I have been quite lacking and I thank my readers for getting on me about not posting. I have no good excuse. My website looks different to me and I’m not sure where to start again. Let’s start at the beginning of the year. Everyone was choosing their “word” for the year. I didn’t have one. I was just getting over covid and if you had covid you know that our minds are a little foggy for a while afterward. Covid, for me, was like entering a new dimension. During that time I did a lot of talking to God and listening to Him.
As soon as I tested negative we left on a two-week vacation to Florida. I still felt out of it and I still spent a lot of time communing with God. During that time the word “Surrender” came to me. I thought that must be the word God was going to teach me about this year, so I chose it. Later came the word “rest”. Hmmmmm. What does that mean? Surrender to the rest that Jesus offers in Matthew 11:28-30? I decided it must mean that.
As I read my devotions and Bible I looked for how God might be speaking to me about surrendering to Him and His rest. I started journaling about what I learned with the hope of blogging it. But something did not feel right and I never blogged about it. Something was not clear and I had no clue what it was. It seemed like God was definitely teaching me about surrender and I knew I was stressed just before I became sick with covid. I needed a rest in a way vacation in Florida could not accomplish. I continued on feeling the unrest but did not know what to do about it. I assumed God would show me as I continued to try and understand how “surrender” fit into my life. I had several ideas, but none of them seemed to take away the unrest I felt.
Soul unrest is hard to identify or resolve. Even if you don’t understand physical pain often Tylenol will ease it, Soul pain is different. It must be identified before a remedy can be applied. I considered myself a mature Christian. I spent time with God every day in prayer, devotion, Bible study, but still, I felt unrest and emptiness in my soul that nothing satisfied. We have all heard we have a God-shaped hole in our soul meaning there is a longing for God that ONLY God can satisfy. We may try to fill it with other addictions or hobbies or whatever, but until we seek God the God-shaped hole remains. But I was seeking God and desiring to surrender to Him and still, the hole was there. I was serving God with my time and talents, so what was missing?
I’m glad I didn’t blog during that time because it was a very confusing time. Not confusing like the covid brain is confusing, confusing as in “what?” What? God, what? What does “surrender” mean for me, God? What am I supposed to do with this word? I am willing to surrender my will to your perfect will, but somehow I don’t think that’s what this is about. What? Surrender, rest. What is God trying to tell me?
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